Father's Day Reflections — Good and Bad

June 14, 2007

Sunday is Father's Day and for many dads, grandpas and great grandpas, it's a day to relax, reflect and remember.

For some fathers and their families though, it's a time that might not be too festive.

As a father and as a grandpa, I enjoy the cards and the gifts that come with the Father's Day celebration. But to be truthfully honest, all I really want for Father's Day is to hug and love my children and grandsons, and to spend as much time with them as possible.

My three older children - Tara, Aron and Kris - are grown and live in the Tucson area. My youngest child, Tamara, is 9 years old and she lives at home.

I am also the proud grandpa of six vibrant grandsons, all of them unique, excited, curious and beautiful in their own way. Just imagine - I have my own family basketball team.

They all live faraway in Tucson though, too far, I often think. As a result, I don't get to see them as often as I would like and I miss them dearly.

When we are all together, there is so much energy and excitement, and sometimes total chaos, the hours and days just speed by.

When my older children were growing up, they spent most of their childhood with me here on the Navajo Reservation. I was a single parent, a Mr. Mom, and along with my kids, we were our own special family. I wouldn't trade those years or that experience for anything.

Just like any other family, we struggled to get by but so long as we had each other, we were OK. We were also truly fortunate to have the love and support of my late mother, Katherine, and my father, Tommy Sr., during those years. Without them, life would have been a much tougher struggle.

My kids love their grandpa and they really miss their grandma. My grandsons and my daughter Tamara never got the chance to know their grandmother because she left this earth before they were born, too soon I often think.

As a young father, I wasn't perfect and I made my share of mistakes. But I never stopped loving and caring for my kids and that will continue forever. I wanted them to be safe and happy, and they were, and I pray that they are now.

As our own special family, it seems like we all grew up together, my kids and I. My son and my daughters grew into young adults and I became a man, a real man with fatherly cares, responsibilities and duties.

Those years went by so fast I think now, and because I was always working then I missed out on some special times with my older kids. I can't ever get those moments back, unfortunately, and I so I treasure the time that we can spend together now.

Today, I am blessed to have my daughter Tamara at home. She helps to keep me sane and she brings so much happiness and purpose into my life. I pray that I can do the same for her, as her dad.

I share these thoughts and reflections with you today because I know that there are many people, especially fathers, who have or had similar situations. I just want you to take time to think about just how special it is to be a father, a mother or a grandparent.

On this Father's Day, I hope that all of you fathers realize just how blessed we are to have children and grandchildren, and all of our loved ones, in our lives. They are the ones who make Father's Day and every day, extra special.

I also write this column because I know that there are several flipsides to this father situation and it has to do with fathers who do not live up to or respect their responsibilities in being a parent, or they are not allowed to.

In this fast-paced world, there are men who make babies but do not care for them. They are fathers, whether they know it or not, and they simply refuse to acknowledge their role. They don't care to or want to.

That is a sad situation. Not for the fathers, but for the children they produced. The children are the innocent victims of those fathers who refuse to admit that they even exist. They don't know them, they don't support them and they don't love them.

Why? That's a question that only the fathers can answer and they usually have a pretty good excuse as far as they are concerned.

What is most disturbing are those fathers who know they have a child or children, but they do not pay their child support, they do not visit the kids or make any kind of attempt to care for them.

I know a couple of these kind of guys and I'm sure you do, too. Hopefully one day soon, they will change their behavior and thinking and learn to know and love their children.

There are also those fathers who can't be with their children this Father's Day because they are serving in the military, they are incarcerated or they are not allowed to be with their children due to the legal system.

We need to remember and support these fathers and pray for their safety, their freedom and for their legal right to be a caring father.

We also need to remember and respect those families who have lost their fathers and grandpas this past year or in recent times. Father's Day can be a real sad day for some of these families. Other families might take the time to remember all of the good times shared with their dads and grandfathers and seek ways to carry on their legacy.

You can never replace the man himself, but you can remember him in time immemorial.

We also must pay special tribute to all those great mothers who fill the role of the father in their families. These are truly
special women. It is hard enough being a mom but to also take on the father's responsibility is one major task.

These special mothers have big hearts filled with love, dedication and happiness. I'm sure their children know and feel that love each day although they might not admit it regularly.

Make this Father's Day a special one by giving your dad and grandpa - or mother - a big hug and tell them that you love them. That is the best gift that they could ever get.

Finally, to my father, Tommy Arviso Sr., on behalf of my brothers and sister and all of the grandkids and great grandkids, "We love you, man!"

To all of you caring and loving fathers, happy Father's Day, dudes! We are proud and blessed to have you in our lives.

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